The Doctor Said What?! How to Talk Back (Respectfully!) to Your Medical Team
In my last blog post, "My World Exploded: How to Breathe When You Hear the 'C-Word'," we talked about the sheer, mind-numbing shock of a cancer diagnosis. That moment when your world shatters and you’re left grappling with overwhelming fear and confusion. You feel like you’re going bonkers, and honestly, that’s exactly how it felt for me.
But once you’ve taken a few shaky breaths, another layer of overwhelm hits: the medical maze. You're suddenly drowning in jargon, inundated with treatment options, and faced with doctors who are often rushed and may give you vague answers. You might even feel like "just another number in the system".
I remember sitting in those appointments, feeling a mix of fear and frustration. Questions swirled in my head: How did this happen? What is cancer? What did I do to cause this? Wait. What did the doctor say? ‘o-men-tadum’? What the heck does that even mean?
But when the doctor asked, "Do you have any questions?" my mind often went blank, or I didn't even know how to ask what I really needed to know.
This is where the real work of self-advocacy begins.
You Are the CEO of Your Healing
Early in my journey, I realized something critical: if I didn't take charge of my journey, someone else would. I knew I needed to be the investigative lead in my healthcare journey. This isn't about disrespecting your medical team; it's about reclaiming your power and becoming the CEO of your body (and future).
Your doctors are highly skilled professionals within their training, but their focus is often confined to specific protocols and prescriptions. They might not spontaneously offer information on complementary therapies, nutrition, or the emotional toll, simply because it's not their primary area of focus or even legally within their scope to recommend.
This means it’s up to you. You have the right to question everything. You have the right to be "pleasantly persistent" – even if it feels like it "almost borders on harassment when you have to call multiple times a day" for updates on reports and referrals. Remember, you have to choose to be brave rather than passively accepting the norm so you can be liked.
My Go-To Strategies for Talking Back (Respectfully, of Course!)
Here are the practical steps and direct phrases that helped me cut through the noise and get the clarity I needed, even when doctors seemed rushed or overwhelmed:
Prepare Your Questions in Advance (And Write Them Down!)
Why it works: When you’re stressed, your mind goes blank. Having your questions written out ensures you don't forget anything vital. It also signals to your doctor that you're prepared and serious.
What to say: "Doctor, I've taken some time to think about our last conversation, and I have a few specific questions I'd like to make sure we cover today. Would you mind if I referred to my list?"
My experience: Early on, when I began doing this, I was met with shrugs, blank stares, and even my perception of their frustration. But over time, I understood the issue wasn’t me—it was the system. Your health is too important not to ask.
Bring Your "Care Partner" (Your Ride or Die Crew Member)
Why it works: Two sets of ears are better than one. Your care partner can take notes, ask follow-up questions you might miss, and remember crucial details, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed.
What to say: "I've brought my [husband/friend/family member] with me today to help me take notes and ensure I fully understand everything. Would that be okay?"
My experience: It's a "checkup survival rule". My husband, Terry, was my rock, always there to support me.
Ask for Clarity (Demand it, if Needed, with Grace)
Why it works: Medical jargon can feel like "an entirely different language". You cannot make informed decisions if you don't understand.
What to say: "Can you help me to understand that in simpler terms, as if you're explaining it to someone outside the medical field?" or "Can you write down the name of that test/medication/concept for me?" or "Could you briefly draw that out for me so I can visualize it?"
My experience: I had to teach myself to "understand the big medical words". Don't be afraid to ask them to write things down or send you the research.
Organize Your Medical Records (Your Google Drive is Your Friend)
Why it works: Instant access to your information empowers you. It helps you track your progress, identify patterns, and quickly provide details to any specialist who asks.
How to do it: Create a dedicated folder in Google Drive (or a similar cloud service) and diligently upload all your test results, scan reports, and doctor's notes there.
My experience: This was my "Top Action Step" for efficiency and maintaining control.
Never Make Decisions in "High Emotion"
Why it works: As my friend, and five-time NY Times best-selling author, Sharon Lechter says, "High emotion = Low intelligence". When you're scared, anxious, or angry, your brain's ability to think critically is compromised.
What to say: "Thank you for explaining your recommended next step. I need some time to process this and do my research before making a decision. What timeline do I have to ensure I am not missing any important disease progression waypoints?"
My experience: This shift in mindset was a game changer for me.
Owning Your Body, Choices, and Experience Without Apology
Your cancer journey is just that: YOURS. You are not powerless. You are the force that will navigate this. By taking these proactive steps, you move from being a passive recipient of information to an active leader of your healing.
This is about strengthening your inner warrior, finding courage in moments of fear, and believing deeply in your power to heal. It’s about becoming a self-advocate – owning your body, choices, and experience without apology.
Want more raw, unfiltered honesty and practical insights to navigate Your cancer journey?
If this post resonated with your experience, know that this is just the beginning. My journey taught me that reclaiming your power starts with small, brave steps.
Visit AllisonPazuk.com to stay connected. I'll be regularly sharing more raw, unfiltered honesty and actionable strategies to help you navigate your healing journey and redefine what healing looks and feels like for you.
