The Holiday Hangover: Why Christmas Chaos Triggers Your Oldest Emotional Wounds

Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year, right?

Except when it isn't. When the holiday is still two months away, but the pressure is already on.

You’re walking through a store in early November, and the inescapable Christmas music is already blasting, the advertising for ‘perfect gifts for your loved ones’ mentally adding "Buy this, attend that, be perfect" to your invisible to-do list. Your family group chat is demanding firm dates and times for mandatory attendance. Oh, and let’s not forget the silent anxiety of knowing someone will show up sick because "it's Christmas" and attendance is somehow mandatory. Where is the fun? 

For many of us, the pre-holiday season is a high-speed collision of expectations, traditions, financial pressure, and forced family togetherness. You’re juggling a never-ending to-do list, watching your budget get vaporized, and trying to act jolly while running on three hours of sleep, and that's when it hits: the Pre-Holiday Hangover.

It’s that feeling when a seemingly small thing—a snide comment, a logistical snag, a broken ornament, or the fear of inevitable holiday germs—sends you spiralling into an emotional meltdown that feels completely out of proportion. Why are you suddenly hitting a wall over a party invitation when you’ve navigated real crises all year?

Here is the secret: The stress of the holiday season acts like a giant emotional shovel, digging up every piece of old, unresolved baggage you thought you had neatly buried away.

You are not weak for feeling this intensity; you are being hijacked by the self-imposed expectations of people-pleasing and perfectionism. This is the mindset that whispers: You must create the perfect Christmas for everyone else. This toxic need to control every detail is often rooted in old wounds where you felt unseen, unheard, or unloved.

Your nervous system is already running hot. When a current event reminds your brain of an old, unresolved event—no matter how minor—the two emotions merge. Suddenly, you're not just upset about the Christmas chaos; you’re a scared kid again, reliving that event.

Taking Out The Trash: Forgiving Your Inner Child

The process of healing those old wounds? I call it "Taking Out The Trash."

It’s an exercise in identifying how childhood traumas are buried deep down, only to be triggered years later by something seemingly random.

Let me give you a peek into my own trash can.

When I was little, I woke up in the pitch black and couldn't find my bedroom door. The fear of being trapped—of having my path vanish—was so profound that, as an adult, I practically launched myself at my poor husband whenever he shut the bedroom door at night. This overwhelming, disproportionate reaction to a simple closed door was the result of a buried trauma.

Your holiday triggers are no different. That gut-wrenching dread you feel when the doorbell rings? It’s not about Aunt Carol's fruitcake. It might be your inner child reminding you of a time you felt unseen, unheard, or disappointed that you didn’t get the one thing you wrote Santa about.

Once I recognized where my closed-door anxiety came from, I could finally let little Allison know she was safe. I promised to understand her fear and speak up for her by keeping the door open a crack.

You need to do the same for your inner child.

Your Holiday Resolution: Acknowledge the Trigger

You don't need a formal diagnosis to do this work. This holiday season, if you find yourself overreacting, hitting a wall of resentment, or needing to escape, don’t judge yourself. Instead, you need to find the true meaning of Christmas for you.

Start by doing this: Write down your three best memories of Christmases past for you. The memories that brought you genuine peace, laughter, or connection. Maybe it was a quiet moment reading, baking cookies, mince tarts or cassava pie, or a simple walk in the cold—not the elaborate, stressed-out spectacle you've been conditioned to perform.

This is your new focus, your nonconforming (N) path. Ask yourself: "What is the true meaning of Christmas for me?".

This exercise gives you the clarity to act with Self-Advocacy (S) and Brave (B) confidence. If an event, a tradition, or a demand doesn’t align with your true vision for the holiday, you can say "no" without apology.

Communicating with yourself, your family, and your support team will be a lot smoother once you identify those buried emotions. You are not "going bonkers;" you are simply a human being reacting to a high-stress present.

Remember: High emotion = Low intelligence. Don't make reactive decisions driven by fear and obligation. Build resilience by making intentional choices, and let your core values—not the pressure of perfection—dictate your energy.

This holiday season, go out there and redefine what joy means for you. Be bold. Be brave. Be unapologetically BONKERS.

P.S. As you navigate the emotional landscape of the holidays and face these old wounds, remember that rest is not a luxury—it’s about standing up, dusting off, and walking through the storm, head held high. It’s about being resilient—one of the core traits of going BONKERS. My next post will dive into how to give yourself permission to rest and recharge.